Wednesday, 12 February 2014
Celebrate Anti-Valentine's Day with a Friend
Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday, and I know that makes me seem like Miss Piggy or something. I mean, it sounds like I cannot wait for all the love and accolades and 24-dozen pale-pink roses ALL FOR ME! But really, I’ve just always liked the day, even when I was a kid and no man was giving me play. I like the lace and the pink and the cupids. It’s just a feminine, pretty holiday. Sue me.
And, as luck would have it, from 9th grade until the present, I’ve pretty much always had a man in my life on Valentine’s Day. So even if I didn’t get anything grand, I always had the nice feeling of knowing I could celebrate my holiday with someone I cared about.
Until the year I couldn’t.
It was 1996, and I had no boyfriend, and my roommate Paula was beside herself with glee: “Now you’ll know what it feels like to be the rest of us, with NO MAN on this most hideous of holidays.” Paula is one of those people who enjoys her the Halloween and the black clothes and the frowning and the Sylvia Plath.
I put on a brave face, emphasizing what I liked about V-Day was just the prettiness of it in general, and seeing women with flowers at their desks, and lacy hearts in store windows and so on. But between you and me, I was a little devastated that my personal desk would be bare that year.
The only good news was that I had a friend named Eric who similarly had no romance as February 14 loomed, so we came up with a stunning plan: We’d give each other a beautiful anti-Valentine’s Day.
I lived in Seattle at the time, and there were bike messengers you could get to deliver stuff for cheap. There was a woman in my office who’d gotten a dozen red roses some weeks prior, and she’d let them die and get all brown and crunchy.
I had the dead roses delivered to Eric.
Image Credit: twid
I also mailed him a Valentine I'd made out of my tampon insertion instructions. I’d just written in red Sharpie over top of the little diagrams. Romantic!
That night, Eric picked me up and handed me a rubber heart. An anatomically correct rubber heart, with the disgusting ventricles and purple veins and so on. If that weren’t enough to make a woman swoon, he then whisked me off to dinner. At the bowling alley. We split an order of fries as the bowling pins crashed around us and Journey played on the jukebox.
After, we took a lovely drive. “I have a special surprise for you!” Eric said, as we pulled into the dump. We stared at garbage for a good half hour. It was breathtaking.
The whole night, we told each other how hideous we looked, and how much we didn't like each other. We giggled though the whole thing, and fully admired the other’s creativity at being as unromantic as possible.
Finally the evening was over and Eric walked me to the door. “I had a disgusting time,” he said. “Me, too. You’re the worst,” I said as I took leave of that Casanova.
And Valentine’s Day 1996 was over.
I have to tell you, it was one of the most fun Valentine’s Days I’ve ever had.
Monday, 10 February 2014
DAVIDO AT IT AGAIN
Waconzy’s Apology, Uche Iwuji’s Divorce, Village Davido
From a week brimming with headlines, scandals, and the odd shit-smudging, Pulse.ng’s Joey Akan walks through them all, shedding extra light, analysis, and maybe, discovering the solution to world peace.
Uche Iwuji’s Marriage Hits The Ground…and Shatters Into Tiny Bits Of Stories
Isn’t this a familiar narrative? One in which a female entertainer makes a lot of happy noises about getting the wedding ring, being one with the love of her life, and living happily ever after, like some princess in some unreal fairytale romance.
Sadly…this is reality, and ‘happily ever-after’ needs to be earned, not dreamed. Once again, how sad.
Actress Uche Iwuji 14-month old marriage to businessman, Juwon Rasak, is over. As shocking as that may sound in isolation, when you throw in the fact that they just had a cute little boy, who got into this earth, blessed with a family, but will be forced to grow up with the lifelong sting of a broken family, then you will get to feel the gravity of the situation, and maybe, if you have a heart, feel pity for the cute guy, and the family.
But I’m not saying you have a heart. So feel whatever. Honestly, your feelings do not count in this situation. They’ve already broken up.
Once again, a Nigerian celebrity marriage has crashed, and the rest of them unmarrieds and soon-to-be-marrieds never learn from these mistakes. Funke Akindele, Comedienne Princess, Doris Simeon,….the list can keep us up all day. It’s like a roll-call of regrets and pain.
Why does this always happen? The dynamics of a man-woman union cannot be totally grasped, but it’s not rocket science. The basics are plain; Show love and mutual respect, be faithful, be forgiving, meet each other half-way, have great sex, and above all, believe in some god…maybe God himself, and the fear of disobedience might make you stick around and make things work.
You see? I got it all figured out! Nigerian celebrities should be smarter, they should know this too.
It’s sad to see another marriage crash. I hope they all find happiness.
Davido Plays The Village Boy….and I approve!
What’s wrong with me? I approve of a village Davido? Yes I do!
It’s a few days to Valentine, and there is a rush by Nigerian entertainers to churn out decent music, and perhaps score some hit love song. So far, the leading light is…wait for it….Davido!
Who could have imagined that a singer, who’s more obsessed with flexing his wealth, dropping meaningless lyrics (mixed with amazing, amazing beats), can actually do a love song worthy of an award?
But Davido proved his doubters wrong this time (me included), dropped a song, and a creative music video that has left me breathless. He played a romantic farmer in the visual, and trust me, he did awesome….notwithstanding his urban tattoos, and a storyline that left much to be desired.
But I forgive him. He’s done well. I think I’m in love….with Davido. Please be my Valentine.
And yes…I am male. Chew on that!
Court Bans Vector from Music
You have to respect a legal business contract, or at least, if you must cancel it, do it honorably, and legally. Unless you want to end up with the weird feeling of pain and panic that rapper Vector has in his gut.
Nigeria’s very own ‘Jay Z’ is in dipshit. A sad smelly dipshit, complete with a court case, career threats, and the spectre of not making music, ever again.
Growing up, he signed a deal with YSG Entertainment in 2011. The deal was befitting of his status, and mutually benefitting him and the recording house, to a certain degree. Now Vector has grown in frame, fame, stature and talent, and he has got it in his head to jump ship, and go solo. That contract he signed has ceased being in his matured interest, and he wants out.
He actually got out, but didn’t terminate the contract legally. Instead, he chose to do something illegal, and breach a legal agreement.
As expected, YSG has cried foul to the law, and it has responded swiftly, stripping Vector of his basic fundamental essence, music. He can no longer make music, unless YSG are involved, and will benefit financially. How sad.
We have seen this happen between Brymo and Chocolate City, Soul E and Colossal Entertainment, and in both cases, the waving contract stands, and must be honored. Soul E lost his case in court, and paid N160 Million, which effectively ended his career. Brymo’s case is headed that way too, and Vector, I’m afraid will go down that path.
Show some sense people, show some sense!
We all know recording business investors ask for too much when a talented artiste needs a platform to shine. They ask for your money, and your soul. But if you decide to sell that soul for sponsorship and publicity money, just be certain that you will bleed every last coin spent on you, a thousand times more.
Bleed Vector, bleed. It’s sad, but bleed. I feel sorry for you, but bleed. Keep bleeding until your contract expires. Or if you have enough money, buy out the contract.
Keep bleeding.
Waconzy Apologises For Last Year’s Beef
What a sissy! If ever there has been a man with balls made of clay, then he has to be Waconzy!
Last year, Waconzy was a hero to many Nigerian music aficionados. He bravely called out the perpetrators of meaningless music in the country, and won many hearts. Tonto Dikeh and Davido were put together in a category called ‘noisemakers’, and Nigeria exploded.
Waconzy was pelted on twitter, he was under attack on Facebook, people laid siege to his social media channels, and if properly investigated, we’ll have found out that he was marked for death by some fanatic assassin.
But Waconzy went through all of that, and came out strong, only for him to destroy all his hard work last week.
He apologized!
Waconzy not only sent messages, and held an interview where he said the sick words ‘sorry’, he also rubbed his nose in it by dropping a song titled…’Am Sorry’.
The cheek of it! Waconzy lost his balls, and apologized, for stating the obvious. How can Nigeria move forward, eh?
This is surely the sign of the end times. Watch and pray, brethren.
2FACE AKON AND T-PAIN DROP NEW (CHECK IT OUT)
T-Pain – If I Got It ft. Akon & 2face
2Face Idibia is renowned for putting Nigeria on the map. He has got one again, beautiful.
Published: 07.02.2014
Joey Akan
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Video Premiere 2face – Rainbow Remix ft. T-Pain
Sunmbo Adeoye Is A Super Woman 2Face's baby mama shows she has heart of gold
Let the Music Play! NBC Suspends Ban on 2Face, D'Banj, Wizkid Others
Nigerian star, 2face, has added another international collaboration into his impressive collection of musical releases. This time, he gets to feature on US star, T-Pain’s new song, ‘If I Got It’, which also features superstar, Akon.
This comes hotly on the heels of the recently premiered ‘Rainbow’ remix video, which had 2face and T-Pain working together. 2 Face Idibia is renowned for putting Nigeria on the map. He has got one again, beautiful.
Listen and tell us how 2face fared on the as a guest on a top international artiste’s song. Check on it!
OSITA IHEME BIOGRAPHY? THE REAL PAWPAW
10 MOST ABUSED VIDEO GAMES CHARACTERS
HERE IS XBOX 360
The Walking Dead: Season 2: Episode 1 - All That Remains
The Walking Dead season 2 is a true piece of art and outstanding piece of gaming narrative… as long as you can get past the bugs.
| System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC |  |
| Dev: Telltale | |
| Pub: Telltale | |
| Release: December 18, 2013 | |
| Players: 1 | |
| Screen Resolution: 480p-1080p | Intense Violence, Blood and Gore, and Strong Language |
When we last left Clementine…
by Angelo M. D’Argenio
by Angelo M. D’Argenio
The day we have all been waiting for has come. The first episode of The Walking Dead: season 2
by Telltale games has gone public. We finally get to see how the epic,
sad, and somewhat horrifying tale of Clementine continues. Fans of the
original, do not fear. This is still The Walking Dead that you
know and love. It’s a point and click adventure game that constantly
faces you with tough moral choices and painful situations. If this is
enough to keep you playing, by all means stop reading now and pick up
the season pass. However, there are some changes to the formula--some
for the better some for the worse--that set season 2 apart from season 1.
I'm going to try my best to keep major plot details under-wraps, but at
times I will have to talk about specific plot points so fair warning,
there may be SPOILERS ahead.
Read more: http://www.cheatcc.com/xbox360/rev/thewalkingdeadallthatremainsreview.html#ixzz2svW9gAAa
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives
AND WHO LET THE WATCH DOGS OUT?
They say idle hands are the devil's tools, and few hands are more idle than those of gamers facing a delay to a much-anticipated title. Since Watch_Dogs was moved from its November release to a vague “Spring 2014” launch date, a number of rumors and controversies have popped up about the game. Here's our analysis of three big rumors about the game.
Rumor: Ubisoft has abandoned the Watch_Dogs trademark
Status: False
A bizarre piece of game industry theater happened yesterday, when the United States Patent and Trademark Office reported that Ubisoft had registered to abandon the Watch_Dogs trademark. A flurry of speculation and Watch_Doge meme jokes followed. Was the game in trouble? Was the company going to change the name or officially make Watch_Dogs into an Assassin's Creed title (more on that below)?
Nobody expected what would turn out to be true in the end. According to Ubisoft, the request for termination was forged, and the company is now working with the USPT to reinstate their trademark. For a more thorough analysis of this incident, see Angelo D'Argenio's article on the topic.
Rumor: Ubisoft has abandoned the Watch_Dogs trademark
Status: False
A bizarre piece of game industry theater happened yesterday, when the United States Patent and Trademark Office reported that Ubisoft had registered to abandon the Watch_Dogs trademark. A flurry of speculation and Watch_Doge meme jokes followed. Was the game in trouble? Was the company going to change the name or officially make Watch_Dogs into an Assassin's Creed title (more on that below)?
Nobody expected what would turn out to be true in the end. According to Ubisoft, the request for termination was forged, and the company is now working with the USPT to reinstate their trademark. For a more thorough analysis of this incident, see Angelo D'Argenio's article on the topic.
VIDEO GAMES CHEATS AND TRICKS AT ITS FULLEST
Long-Time Batman Producer Compares Ben Affleck to Heath Ledger
The Batman franchise has had a long, storied career on film.
We’ve run the gamut of many different directors, actors and writers
(some better than others). However, there has been one constant through
them all: Producer Michael Uslan.
Inevitably, when anyone references the upcoming Batman/Superman crossover, the subject always turns to the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman. In a recent interview, Uslan draws an interesting comparison to another past casting choice that seemed quite odd at the time (but worked out perfectly). “…all of a sudden the torches and the pitchforks go up, 'oh my god, the guy that played the gay cowboy is going to be The Joker? They're going to destroy the greatest super villain in history. And then after Heath Ledger's performance, when they actually went to see it, nobody ever wanted The Joker played by another actor again.” He says.
Inevitably, when anyone references the upcoming Batman/Superman crossover, the subject always turns to the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman. In a recent interview, Uslan draws an interesting comparison to another past casting choice that seemed quite odd at the time (but worked out perfectly). “…all of a sudden the torches and the pitchforks go up, 'oh my god, the guy that played the gay cowboy is going to be The Joker? They're going to destroy the greatest super villain in history. And then after Heath Ledger's performance, when they actually went to see it, nobody ever wanted The Joker played by another actor again.” He says.
The famed Bat-Producer also revealed his optimistic outlook of the
upcoming Superman sequel to feature the first ever live-action face off
of the two characters. He says, “I feel great. First of all, Zack's a
fan boy, and he loves these characters as much as any of us do.
Everybody grows as filmmakers, as actors, all of us in life, if we don't
continue to evolve something is radically wrong, and it's so
interesting to see the evolution for everybody involved and to see the
evolution of Batman, it's exciting and everybody is pumped up about it.
It’s a chance for a new direction, and it's going to be something that
people I think will be just so excited about.”
Other recent casting news includes Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor and Jeremy Irons as Alfred.
Other recent casting news includes Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor and Jeremy Irons as Alfred.
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